Today we had another doctor’s appointment. Yes, they are becoming second nature to me. I feel like we visit some doctor’s office at least once a week. That being said, I am thankful that we are surrounded by some of the best doctors and hospitals in the country. Today, we had a followup appointment for Blake at UNC Pediatric Cardiology.
Honestly, last night, I started struggling. I started to let fear and anxiety creep in because I started running through the what if’s. What if the hole in his heart isn’t gone and it should be? What if they find something more and want to do surgery? What if? What if? And yet again, I was reminded by the Lord that he wants me to trust him – not just in speech and not just with ministry, but in my life – moment my moment, hour by hour, day by day. You think I would have learned that lesson by now with this roller coaster pregnancy.
At the appointment, the cardiologist came in and talked about what they had found previously, listened to his heart, and then asked lots of questions. She shared that Blake has something called Ventricular Septal Defect, which is essentially a hole in the bottom of his heart that could cause higher than normal pressure in the blood vessels in his lungs, leading to heart failure or lung disease. After listening to his heart, she again confirmed that he does have the heart murmur still, but after asking lots of questions and seeing how much weight he has gained from birth (babies who have large amounts of pressure and are really struggling have a hard time gaining weight), she was fairly confident that he is going to be okay and the hole will close up on its own without further treatment like surgery. She gave me some things to watch for in him, and then made an appointment to see us again in 2.5 months.
I am so thankful for great medical care. I am so thankful for a God who knows my tendency to trust in myself and my own efforts rather than Him. I am so thankful for a God who won’t let me stay there, but provides a pregnancy and itty bitty, precious baby that challenge me in my walk with the Lord and call me to rely on Him because I literally CAN’T rely on myself. I am so thankful for a church body who prays, loves, calls, provides for us in amazing ways (like giving of their time and watching our girls so we could go to the appointment today uninterrupted) and truly makes us realize how blessed we are for the body of Christ. I am thankful.
So even in the midst of this crazy transition to 3 and feeling like I never have enough hands, I will choose to be thankful. When one kid is throwing a tantrum, another is singing at the top of her lungs, and another refuses to be put down, I will be thankful. When I am cleaning up an “accident” from one kid, trying to wash up the other kid, and see that the dog has pulled the food down from the counter and is eating our leftovers, I will be thankful. When I have been up countless times throughout the night, look over and see that it is time for the older ones to wake up, and wonder if I will ever sleep again, I will be thankful. Because these three littles are a blessing from the Lord. The days are long, but the years are short. Lord, help me to be thankful, see them as blessings, and cherish the little years.