I post a lot of “fun” updates about our family and our stinkin’ cute kids and I also post DIY Updates, Ministry Updates, etc. But just in case you think our life is just peachy, and because I value being real, it ain’t all roses, ya’ll.
Today has been a hard day. Honestly, its been a hard day in a string of hard days. Some of it has been because of choices I made, such as packing our schedule too full and having no margin (even though it was fun things like playdates with friends and going to Gammy’s house!) or trying to keep my house spic-n-span. Some of it has been because of things that are beyond my control, such as ministry events that were fun but not optional, things that come up that have to be done right now, and a 5 year old who tracked out and is having as much drama as a teenage girl during “that” time of the month. Seriously, I had no idea that the first week of track out would bring as much drama as the first week of starting school. Geez.
Today was filled with things that are not optional, and when kids choose to disobey, get into everything they know not to, push the envelope, and just act plum crazy, it leads to a very short-fused momma. I should have known it was going to be rough one when my 2 year old is coloring blue crayon on the white railing of our stairs in the first 30 minutes she is awake. For the sake of being real and honest, after battling for most of the morning, I lost it. I yelled, I disciplined out of anger, I said things I shouldn’t have, and it was ugly.
First, I cried. Then, I sat down with my kiddos, apologized for my behavior, explained about the sin in my heart, and prayed with them for Jesus to help me be kinder and for them to obey. Then, I texted the lady who mentors me (if you don’t have one of these, get one!) and she prayed for me and reminded of some great truth such as “I’m not failing, there is abundant grace, I am the perfect mom for these kids, and the same God who created the universe gave these kids to me.” Then, I pulled up my boot straps and started again. And then we left for the grocery store (what better place would there be to trust Jesus to help me with my attitude? – I was glutton for punishment, right?).
A friend of mine posted this post this morning and I am so glad I read it this morning, because I kept chewing on it the whole time this was going on at our house:
“The message of Christianity is NOT that PEOPLE are perfect but that CHRIST is perfect and in some amazing, incomprehensible, and undeserving way those who follow Christ earn HIS righteousness. If y’all knew the dark demons that lay in my past and in my heart, I could only hope and pray that God would be seen as all the more forgiving and gracious and not that I would be seen as any less “perfect”.
That is my message: I’m a freaking wreck apart from the changing and saving grace of God. So shouldn’t that mean I am completely changed and no longer choose to sin? Isn’t that the point of Christianity? NO!! Heaven knows I wish it was but unfortunately my human nature and the fallen state of this world are raging a war in my soul with the beautiful, grace filled, perfect Holy Spirit that lives in me. The difference is I am no longer a SLAVE to sin. Sin no longer rules my every action. I now have God on my side to help me chose His glory over my own.
Dear friends, how could I offer any sliver of hope to you if the proclamation of my gospel was “Be perfect and good like me or at least do more good than bad.” If that were my hope, I would fail. I know myself. I would have been kicked out of the faith looonnnggg ago.
Praise be to God that is not His Gospel! It is simple…we are all rotten and wicked but Christ was perfect and because of his love for us and for the glory of His Father, he took our place under the punishment for sin and if you believe that, you will be saved.
If anything is unfair, it is righteous for the unrighteous and perfection dying in the place of imperfection. So please understand…I’m the opposite of perfection. The antithesis of the standard. Turn your eyes to the one that gives freely of His grace to all those that don’t deserve it…even you, if you believe.
Cue the tears. I don’t like the hard days – heaven knows – I wish every day was filled with obeying children, smiles, laughters, and no discipline. But even more than worrying about how bad I am messing my children up, I pray that they see Jesus – not my perfection, but HIS, not my righteousness, but HIS, not my glory, but HIS. Thank you Lord that his mercies are new every morning and that by his grace, I can be the mom I need to be to these sweet little kiddos he has entrusted me with.