As I was thinking about what to post this week, I realized that nothing glaring stuck out…sure there is the normal school routine, how the kids are doing, what Brynn is doing now developmentally, how ministry is going, what everyday life is like, that our microwave and bookshelf broke this week after only a year, and so on….but I wasn’t inspired to write about any of those things. Instead, the thing that kept coming to mind was to share what is really going on for me personally right now.
So, it’s about to get real. Wanna know what I am struggling with right now? Getting back in shape and losing weight after having a baby. I have struggled with weight all my life, but getting older and having baby after baby takes a toll on my body, which I can totally tell. Starting to work out and get back in shape after having a baby is BRUTAL. Like, seriously brutal. I started Weight Watchers this summer, lost like 15 pounds, only to gain back 7 of those as we traveled and I got off track for a few months. So, I was pretty much back to square 1 and feeling horrible. I don’t have clothes that fit (because they are all slated to fit me pre-baby), I don’t have a ton of energy, I don’t feel confident, and I am just miserable at how I feel like I can not beat this food thing. I feel/felt so defeated, shamed, guilty, tired, and the list goes on and on.
In my mom’s small group here, we are doing a study on “Lies Women Believe.” The study looks at lies we believe that affect our behavior. We may not think we actually believe these lies, but our actions show that we do believe them. The past two weeks, we have looked at lies we believe about God, specifically pertinent to me were that God could fix my problems and God’s ways were too restrictive. As I was studying this and verbally processing with our group, it hit me that I totally believe these lies when it comes to weight loss. I pray for God to help me – take away the cravings, help me to make wise choices, help me to have self-control, help me to want to work out, etc– but wasn’t willing to do my part to make these things happen, and yet I got frustrated he wasn’t making them happen. I also would never say that God’s ways are too restrictive – God doesn’t say not to eat and I just really love food – what is the harm in eating good food or sweets or what I wanted? Yet, God tells us to take care of our temples and to pray for self-control, which is a fruit of the Spirit, something that he works to produce in us. Eating like I wanted with no regard for whether I was full and not being able to stick to a realistic eating plan really showed that I did think God’s ways were too restrictive and that I knew better. And honestly, not having discipline to work out and eat right blantantly showed to me that I really struggled with self-control, which wasn’t a surprise but just a reminder that I still have so far to go and I need Jesus’ help to get there.
I am so thankful that the Lord pointed these things out to me, hard as they were to realize. Recognizing the lies, speaking them out loud, replacing them with the truth, taking responsibility for my part, and asking Jesus to help me instead of fixing it himself or lacing up my bootstraps and trying to do it all on my own have been so valuable.
I decided to stick with Weight Watchers and I started being disciplined about a week and a half ago. I am already down over 6 lbs!! I feel better, I feel free (not like I am in bondage to these things – see, Gods way aren’t restrictive but actually bring freedom!), and I feel motivated. But even better than that is the mental shift that has occurred as I have really sought to understand what is influencing my behavior. This isn’t to say that I will not have valleys, I will not eat more than I should, that I won’t get off track, that I won’t gain some weight back, etc. but I am motivated to lean on Jesus for help and do my part of the work.
I share all this to let you in on what is happening in my life currently, but also for some accountability. I will try to post on here how I am doing, but feel free to ask if I don’t 🙂 And, I pray you find motivation to figure out the lies you are believing that are affecting your behavior in unhealthy ways.
And as for running, I got on Pinterest yesterday (which I normally never do except to look at recipes I have pinned to cook them) and happened to see some quotes about running. These stuck out to me.
Instead of being frustrated about not being where I used to be, I need to just enjoy the run (and the break from the kids!). And really, like it says, as long as I do the distance, who cares what my pace is or if I am running as fast as I used to? So, guess what happened this morning? I had my best run that I have had in a really long time. I had a great pace (without looking at the clock), I didn’t have to stop to walk, and I felt like I could have kept on running. It also helped that it was colder outside – my body just loves running in the cold. I am so thankful for this HUGE victory.
Thanks for cheering me on and keeping me accountable 🙂